Everyone has secrets.. you and I.. the bearded man next door, the bespectacled office co-ordinator.. we work hard to keep our secrets. We go thru' hoops of fire to keep our secrets..we die and if need be kill to keep our secrets.. but today, while I was thining of new ways to keep my secret... I wondered " what must it be like for the secret to be kept a secret?"
I imagined myself to be a secret for a second. When you are a secret, the world is oblivious to your existence, you are surroundedby darkness, no one will ever know how great you are.. you will never be appreciated..you will never be pitied for your cursed fate... Imagine yourself being trapped in another realm of the world, where you can see this realm of world living its life completely oblivious to your sufferings..You wanna be heard, you wanna be seen, pitied.. So you kick your legs and hands, scream at the worl.. But all the world can hear and see is nothing.
I always thnk the secret inside everyone desires to be acknowledged, heard, seen and pitied. That's probably why while some of us are very good at keeping secrets, many of us let the secrets get the better of us.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Epiphany
I have ephiphanic moments. Ones that ridicule me, ones that put me to shame, ones that try to enlighten me. So strong is the shame, ridicule and enlightenment, my miniscule existence is frightened and dismisses them as whinings, sighs and says "No time for nonsense".
It is like my learning to swim.I fancied swiming as a child.. thought swimming was cool! Those who swam were elite people.I desperately wanted to swim . But swimming is no easy task..My first class required me to bare my body.. Cringing with embarassment, I went to the 3 feel deep section of the pool. I was the oldest and biggest in the section. Kids smirking while I was trying to get a hang of floating. I was so humiliated. I wept going back to my dorm..realising how much effort each person has put in to be able to swim,I suddenly thought those who could swim were spiritualisitc. The embarassment killed me, so when my friends asked me " How was your swimming class?" I muttered " Fantastic.. But I won't continue 'cause it is just a waste of time" .I full well knew I was a quitter, I was a cheater, but it made me feel good that others saw me in a better lighting.
So, coming back to epiphanies, I dismiss them just because I am afraid of crossing the threshold, for the fear of what I might see beyond threshold. Because what I might see could bust my ego, make me feel insignificant..so I wake up day after day, get ready, go to work, come back home, cook, eat, watch TV, make love and sleep and curb the first signs of ephiphanies as " well.. it was a busy day ..I better sleep"
You could want to be enlightened.. But do you have it in you to endure enlightenment? It is no child's play. It would make you wiser and a bigger person.. True.But at the expense of your ego.. the mask that we all wear carefully so others see us as beautiful people.. Enlightenment will strip you naked.Are you ready to give your present pseudo paradise that is comfortable to get the real paradise that you long for.. which you may or may not get after crossing the threshold..and it is a point of no return..
Uncertainty scares us all.. we have all been presented with situations where we had to choose.. But the fear makes us choose the tried and tested options.
A very few brave ones choose the unknown path , for they loathe the known outcomes.. mostly they evolve into better people.. they are serene.. truly happy... something which I never can comprehend and fathom... for I choose every single day to be an average Joe.
When I see people cross threshold, I donot follow them.. I stand as a witness to their great deeds. I make the deeds popular , write books and blogs.. worship the brave ones as heroes, call them "Messiahs" and make them the legends.. tell my children of the legends and I live happily ever after.
It is like my learning to swim.I fancied swiming as a child.. thought swimming was cool! Those who swam were elite people.I desperately wanted to swim . But swimming is no easy task..My first class required me to bare my body.. Cringing with embarassment, I went to the 3 feel deep section of the pool. I was the oldest and biggest in the section. Kids smirking while I was trying to get a hang of floating. I was so humiliated. I wept going back to my dorm..realising how much effort each person has put in to be able to swim,I suddenly thought those who could swim were spiritualisitc. The embarassment killed me, so when my friends asked me " How was your swimming class?" I muttered " Fantastic.. But I won't continue 'cause it is just a waste of time" .I full well knew I was a quitter, I was a cheater, but it made me feel good that others saw me in a better lighting.
So, coming back to epiphanies, I dismiss them just because I am afraid of crossing the threshold, for the fear of what I might see beyond threshold. Because what I might see could bust my ego, make me feel insignificant..so I wake up day after day, get ready, go to work, come back home, cook, eat, watch TV, make love and sleep and curb the first signs of ephiphanies as " well.. it was a busy day ..I better sleep"
You could want to be enlightened.. But do you have it in you to endure enlightenment? It is no child's play. It would make you wiser and a bigger person.. True.But at the expense of your ego.. the mask that we all wear carefully so others see us as beautiful people.. Enlightenment will strip you naked.Are you ready to give your present pseudo paradise that is comfortable to get the real paradise that you long for.. which you may or may not get after crossing the threshold..and it is a point of no return..
Uncertainty scares us all.. we have all been presented with situations where we had to choose.. But the fear makes us choose the tried and tested options.
A very few brave ones choose the unknown path , for they loathe the known outcomes.. mostly they evolve into better people.. they are serene.. truly happy... something which I never can comprehend and fathom... for I choose every single day to be an average Joe.
When I see people cross threshold, I donot follow them.. I stand as a witness to their great deeds. I make the deeds popular , write books and blogs.. worship the brave ones as heroes, call them "Messiahs" and make them the legends.. tell my children of the legends and I live happily ever after.
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